I Hate Him, Really!
by MadamPigeon
Summary: Zim and Dib despise one another, that's always been true, and it always will be, right? (A collection of oneshots)
1. Glasses

Children poured out of the skool doors, celebrating their freedom from the prison. Zim lagged behind, stalling in the doorway.

"Pathetic earth _scum!" _he muttered to himself, scanning the skoolyard. Torque and his lackeys always waited after class to attack whoever they found on their own, which often was either him or The _Dib. _After watching the students for a bit, he didn't see his aggressor. Taking this as a win, he strode out the skool.

"HA! Another victory for the alm-" his prideful monologue was cut off by a familiar irritated voice out of view.

"Dude, come on, just leave me alone." It exasperated. Zim held still, preferring not to be noticed.

"Geez, if you really wanna leave, just call your boyfriend." Torque sneered, shoving Dib into the concrete, leaving him on the sidewalk. Zim waltzed over to mock his rival.

"Oh god damn it..." Dib huffed. He was leaned on one arm, feeling around with the other. Zim glanced down, spotting his round glasses by his foot. He knew Dib was blind without them, having knocked them off before in their many scuffles. He watched his enemy search the ground, but couldn't seem to think of an insult.

Sighing dramatically to himself, he lightly kicked the lenses over. Dib's hand quickly found them.

"Ah, thank _fuck." _He lightly dusted them off and put them on. He looked up for whoever had assisted him, but the street was empty.


	2. Comatose

"Wow, that was _stupid._ You just stumbled out in the road and didn't even _notice _that truck. The great Zim would have _never _done something like that. The nurse-thing said that you'd be out for a while, but she didn't know for how long. Which is stupid."

"But I suppose I can wait"

"You are really taking your time, Dib-stink. Gir must be destroying the lab in my absence, which I _demand _you help me fix. He is awfully capable of destruction for such a small SIR unit."

"It is so boring here! The same stupid _human _magazines that go on forever on the same stupid stuff. What a ridiculous excuse for entertainment."

"I can't leave of course because, uh. Well, I _have _to be here when you wake up. If I'm not, you'll be all sneaky and do something… all SNEAKY. Which I cannot tolerate."

"So I'm going to stay here until then."

"You know, I totally could take over the world without you here. I just haven't yet"

"Because that would be cheating. I will win either way, and I'm not a cheater. That's it"

"But I still might, so you should wake up soon"

"Your species medical equipment is so obsolete. If we were in an Irken hospital, you'd be fine by now! I tried to get you to _my_ lab where progress would actually have been made, but the nurse said no. Something about 'kidnapping'. How absurd is that! It has been two weeks, this is obviously much longer than a nap!"

"But even if I could, I'd never waste supplies on you!"

"Right?"

"Once again, that _awful _excuse of a human nurse has said I cannot stay through the night any longer. She said it was '_unhealthy.' _She called me your _friend! _How disgusting! If you were awake, you would have been as revolted as I was!"

"So I may not be here after ten, but after then I'll be back. I have commanded her to call me if I miss anything."

"I will be back"

"On Irk, we were in a battle with the Meekrob. We won of course, but an acquaintance of mine was injured almost similar to you, but less pathetic."

"He laid out for a long time. No one really knew what to do, and no high ranking medic cared enough to do anything"

"He never woke up from that"

"..."

The room slowly came into view in a brief moment of calm before Dib shot up from the bed. He looked around, noticing the bright white walls and IV bags stuck in his arm. He glanced at his side, seeing one empty chair. _Tch, of course his family didn't even check-in. Typical._

He didn't have much time to be mad about it, as a short nurse walked into the room, seeming surprised to see him.

"You're awake! We almost thought we lost you! Great to see you're alright. We just have to run some vitals, hun." she chirped. "Oh! And I have a call to make"

She hurried out of the room. Meanwhile, Dib recalled a few one-sided conversations.

_Though even his family forgot him, it seems someone didn't_

The nurse walked in, looking happy, if not a bit concerned.

"It seems you're going to have a visitor, who somehow was already on his way"

She smiled, turning to leave. "You two seem like such good friends"

Dib started to correct her, but stopped.

_Friends?_


End file.
